The Struggle in Transition

I can remember the moment as if it had happened to me yesterday. As physical withdrawal ravaged my body from a 15 year long battle with opioids, I thought that I had reached the end. It had been days since my body could withstand food or drink, as sleep had already evaded me for over a week. As if malnutrition and subtle hints of insanity (due to sleep deprivation) weren’t enough, I also suffered from severe bouts of anxiety so great that it felt as if there was an insatiable fire burning in my chest. All of my senses remained in a constant place of hypersensitivity, from sound, to sight, to touch, and I simply wanted it all to stop! The only problem was, having been in this place before, I knew that this was only the beginning, that the nightmare had just begun. I was stuck in between where I was, and where I wanted so desperately to be, a free man. It was a moment of my life where I found myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually broken and completely overwhelmed. During that period of suffering, death was a welcomed solution as a means to a self-destructive end. As I sat on that bathroom floor in a heap of pity and self-defeat I can distinctly remember crying out to God and asking him to take it all away. 

As we read through the Book of Mark, we see that Jesus is aware that His time is near as He takes His disciples to an olive grove called Gethsemane to pray.  Jesus tells them, “my soul is crushed with grief to the point of death.” (Mark 14:34) I don’t know about you but I found this to be intriguing. How is it that Jesus could be troubled? Jesus, the sovereign King of our lives, had feelings and emotions? The same Jesus who performed miracles and co-existed with God before the world was created, felt grief? I believe that we (or at least I) forget that Jesus was fully human. Being fully human meant that Jesus could identify with us. I can just see it now, Christians everywhere claiming that He (Jesus) couldn’t possibly know the pain and the struggle that we go through because He is God. Jesus was fully human and felt the exact same emotions that we encounter today. By coming to us in the flesh, Jesus is saying, I understand and feel your pain. It is His way of saying, “me too”.  

What I love so much about this passage, and more-so, about Jesus is that He is demonstrating a crucial moment in life that we all will face someday. A bit later, when Jesus finds himself before the cross, there is no internal struggle, He is committed, and without hesitation. So why then does Jesus have this moment of anguish, and possible doubt? Why does Jesus plead with God to take it all away? “Abba, Father, he cried out, everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me.” (Mark 14:36)

Jesus is in transition. Transition is defined as, “the process or a period from changing from one state or condition to another.”  Transition is a moment in time that separates from that of where we are, to that in which we are headed. Simply put, it is an in-between.  Jesus knew where He was going and the fullness of His mission, but even our Lord and Savior had a transitional moment, and in that moment He demonstrated exactly what we should do, turn to our Father.

How many of us pray for blessings over our lives, receive answers to these prayers of miraculous proportion, yet allow transition to give birth to fear, resulting in getting stuck? How often do we allow transitions to “close the book” right before the next chapter of our very own bible story is written? I believe that blessings come with contingencies. Contingencies come in the form of change, discomfort, action, and facing unknowns. I believe they are God’s way of seeing how bad we really want to receive what He has in store for us. The most crucial words that Jesus spoke in His prayer to God in Gethsemane was “yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” (Mark 14:36)

What I failed to mention in my detox experience is that this was the beginning of my journey and the first of many transitional moments. What I try, and often fail, to recognize is that as long as we can connect whatever it is that we are going through back to God's will for our lives, then we can’t lose. In that moment of anguish and despair there was one thing that was abundantly clear to me, that God had so much more for me, as He does for you. We weren’t created to fall victim to the trials of this life, but to overcome through His power and grace.  

If you find yourself in a season of transition, thank God for that moment because chances are something greater awaits. Use that time to grow closer to Him through reading His Word, prayer, and worship. Bask in the hope and excitement of what is in store, while forging forward in absolute trust that He only wants the very best for you. Don’t allow this moment to pass you by.  

Prayer:
Father, we thank you for seasons of transition. Lord we ask that like your son Jesus, we continue to seek you in the moments of uncertainty. We pray for the gift to discern what is of you and your will for our lives. When our spirit is true, provide us with the strength, courage, and energy to push through the transitional moments.  To stand, when everything and everyone tells us to remain seated. May we remain focused on your love, and centered on others as we carry out what you have placed before us. Jesus, thank you for serving us.  Thank you for your ultimate sacrifice and for being a living, breathing example of how to live. We love you with all that we are. In Your mighty name we pray.  Amen.