End of My Rope

End Of My Rope
Written by: Kylie J

Feel like it’s the end of my rope,
That same slippery slope that I provoke.
A shift feels like it’s coming, and I’m still running,
Who am I so afraid of becoming?
Fears that never left make death threats to dreams I’ve had to reset,
Regret.
Why do I wait?
What a mistake…
Both feet; secure em’ tight to the surface,
Cause’ going deeper only makes me nervous.
A tendency to hide out, but I really don’t want to fight this…
And I could, just ride it out, but all the good that I might miss…

“...I know you don’t like change, but this will be good for you!” My mother’s words were suspended in the air by troubling truths and I couldn’t wave them away. ‘Me? Not like change? I’ve been dealing with change my entire life!’, I thought to myself. I sat for several seconds pondering all the incredible ways I’ve navigated the unpredictable and uncontrollable circumstances of my life. For a fleeting moment, I was feeling pretty good about myself, until I paused, perplexed by a daunting realization. Yes. I’ve endured a substantial amount of change; but, I hadn’t exactly taken the path of least resistance. If I’m even more honest, I have flat out said ‘no’ to God. Here I am thinking that it’s me that’s been navigating the unpredictability of life; it had never dawned upon me that God had been navigating around me. I kicked and screamed my way through the hard times in life…that wasn’t exactly what God had intended for me. I had always made things harder by fighting with God, questioning myself and His plans for me. Can I trust You Lord? Is Your plan really what’s best for me? If it is, then why do I run? The cycle was so evident. He prompts…I resist…He takes action…I finally surrender. My next question shot through my body like a wave; who was I so afraid of becoming? If I know God only has what’s best for me…have I become so comfortable in my own dysfunction that I’m actually resisting his goodness? Resisting goodness. I didn’t like the thought of that at all, but I know the antidote. Full surrender, the true path of least resistance. The path I most often avoid, but the one where I ultimately find full freedom.

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.” Matthew 5:3 MSG

“...God is gracious–it is He who makes things right, our most compassionate God. God takes the sides of the helpless; when I was at the end of my rope, he saved me.” Psalm 116:1-6 MSG

“Hurry with your answer, God!  I’m nearly at the end of my rope. Don’t turn away; don’t ignore me! That would be certain death. If you wake me each morning with the sound of your loving voice, I’ll go to sleep each night trusting in you. Point out the road I must travel, I’m all ears, all eyes before you. Save me from my enemies, God—you’re my only hope! Teach me how to live to please you, because you’re my God. Lead me by your blessed Spirit into cleared and level pastureland.” Psalm 143:7-10 MSG
 
“I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭7‬:‭24‬-‭25‬ ‭MSG‬‬