Getting Well Hurts (Part 1)

Getting Well Hurts (Part 1)
Written By: Jeff G

As I opened my eyes on the sunny, warm morning of June 24th, I immediately began to experience what I feared the most at that time of my life. A light trickle of cold-sweat accompanied by a bone chattering chill, immediately enveloped my body despite the mid-70’s temperature outside.

My neck and back ached, not just from the impending withdrawal from heroin, but also from the fact that I had slept in the upright position the night before.  After years of ravaging addiction, I had recently taken up residence in my vehicle, as I had become homeless merely two days prior. With each passing moment, the physical sickness that I was experiencing began to be accompanied by crippling anxiety as the reality of my current situation truly set it. With no money, and even less hope I pondered the following question through tear-filled eyes. How in the world did I end up here?

In desperation I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my address book until I came across one of the few people who even entertained the idea of still speaking to me, my old recovery sponsor from years prior. As I hit send, I had no idea that this was the very first step on the very long and painful journey that lay ahead. I was surprised at the quickness to which my friend answered the call, and with joy in his voice said, “I’ve been waiting a long time for this moment.” After allowing me to vomit verbally for some time, he simply paused, took a deep breath and asked me the simple question “Do you want to get well?”

What I didn’t know then, that I know now is that I would later read these very same words a year later as I began my walk with Jesus. In the Book of John, Jesus uses these very same words when speaking to the man at the pool at Bethesda. While this encounter went down some 2000 years prior, the story is very much the same for many of us today. The picture is a bleak one as Jesus approaches a sick and suffering crowd. Bodies lay strewn about as people lay waiting by a natural spring, literally hoping for a miracle to happen.

What made this small body of water unique was the false hope that it provided. Legend has it that every so often the springs would bubble over, and it was believed that if they were the first to enter, they would be healed from their disease. When the spring became active, people would literally scrape, claw, and expend every last bit of their energy (and their hope) to enter the water. Sounds crazy right? While we may not be trying  to cannon-ball our way toward healing, many of us have our own version of this reality.

If we are all to be honest for a moment, we all have our own version of the Bethesda Pool. Whether it is/was self-help groups, podcasts, social media, food, relationships, pornography, or in my case drugs, we have all tried to fill the void in our hearts, leaving us more empty than ever before. If my experience has taught me anything, it is that desperation equals distortion. When we operate from a place of fear it becomes very easy to lose our way, to drift from truth, and to place our hope in people and things that will never be able to offer the healing that we find in Jesus.

In the Book of John Jesus affirms, “I am the way the TRUTH and the life. No one can come to the Father, except through me” John 14:6.  

In Hebrews we are told, “So we must listen very carefully to the TRUTH we have heard, or we may drift away from it” Hebrews 2:1.

 Jesus, the living Word of God is our only solution and our only hope, however many of us search for peace in empty places, much like this man by the pool. Empty rituals = empty promises = empty souls = hardened hearts.

Like myself, one might think that this man would have jumped at the answer to Jesus’ question, however his answer is one that I can relate to wholeheartedly. When asked if he wants to get well, the man responds with, “I can’t sir, for I have no one to put me in the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone always gets there ahead of me” John 5:7.

Pay close attention to the fact that Jesus never asked him about his circumstances, how others were treating him, or how he felt about it all. Jesus never entertains these thoughts as he counters with a command, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk” John 5:8.

While I can’t say that I have shared in the experience of being physically paralyzed, I do know what it feels like to be crippled in spirit through the disease of addiction. I can only imagine what this man may have initially thought in response to Jesus’ command as I have encountered similar thoughts when this very command was posed to me.

The definition of atrophy is to “gradually decline in effectiveness or vigor due to underuse or neglect.”  Having not used his legs in 38 years, it is safe to assume that this man had serious doubts about whether his muscles would be able to support the weight. Have we ever stopped to consider the atrophy of his spirit? When we become forced into a state of helplessness and reliance on people, over time we develop a condition far more debilitating than the disease itself, dependence. Jesus tells us that “The thief’s purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy.  My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life” John: 10:10.

Through addiction, the enemy is doing far more than simply trying to intoxicate you with substances, he is trying to rob you of your PURPOSE. In my next writing, I will share from my experience what Jesus meant when he commanded us to move toward the rich and satisfying life that He promised us. Spoiler alert, the wound may hurt more before it heals, but I can promise you that the journey is worth it.