I Won’t Hold It Against You

“Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.”
(Matthew 5:7)

Relationships are hard. Relationships are beautiful, and full of many blessings, but they are hard. I got into a fight with my boyfriend this week. A Christian couple that fights? Shocking, I know. In this fight, it all boiled down to miscommunication, misunderstanding, and the common fault of the world since the fall, accusation. 

Currently I am sitting in his car, at his job sight, while he works on someone’s stone wall. I am supposed to be studying, but as I watched him work, I found myself thanking God for the imperfect man in front of me, who constantly strives to love me perfectly. 

See here’s the thing. No matter the context of the relationship, people are imperfect. Imperfect relationships require a ton of forgiveness, but where my boyfriend takes it a step further, and is teaching me without knowing it, is that he gives me mercy. 

For this scripture, I struggled with the meaning of mercy. All definitions of mercy lead to forgiveness and kindness. Forgiveness and compassion. It is always forgiveness and ‘insert adjective of grace.’ Initially, I was led to think that maybe forgiveness and mercy were interchangeable, however, God wouldn’t have used a different word than ‘forgive,’ if that was what He intended. 

After reflecting and praying long and hard on the difference between forgiveness and mercy, I found that forgiveness is more about overcoming feelings, whereas mercy is granting forgiveness in spite of feelings. Forgiveness is a process, and mercy is an immediate grant. 

As we have been going through the Beatitudes the past couple of weeks, Pastor has encouraged us to understand that each of these build off of each other. We have to be poor in spirit to mourn correctly, and we have to mourn correctly and give up pride, to be meek and humble. In humbleness we seek righteousness, but understand that justice doesn’t fall in our own hands, but Gods. Thus we understand that righteousness applies to us, and if we want mercy, or immediate forgiveness, we must give it. 

My favorite Bible verse since childhood has been 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I love, love. Call me a hippie, call me a romantic, but love is my absolute favorite, and to me there is nothing it can’t cure. Love, however, when put to the definition of 1Corinthians, is not easy, because love “keeps no record of wrongs”.That is an act of mercy. 

I wish I could sit here and write about how I show mercy to my boyfriend in a five step bullet guide. Instead, in hard truth, I can only tell you that at the end of the fight we encountered, I realized I was being a brat, and I had to overcome feelings to acknowledge the facts of the situation. As I sat there knowing full well that if he acted the way I did, I would be hurt, instead of saying “I forgive you, but don’t do that again,” he grabbed my face and told me he would never hold it against me. 

That is mercy. That is what God does for us continuously, day in and day out. If I close my eyes, and picture every time I mess up from sun up to sun down, and then picture God holding my face, and saying “I’m not going to hold it against you,” I want to cry. 

This week's beatitude focuses on giving mercy, to receive mercy. I think the most humbling and beautiful part of God's love for us, is that we receive constant mercy without ever deserving it, without always granting it like we should. We received Mercy when Jesus died in our place. He knew every mistake we would make, and despite that, He died for us. It’s true love. 

Perhaps when examining situations in relationships that require forgiveness, with our spouses/significant others, parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, or even the person who cuts you off in the church parking lot, instead of exclaiming “I forgive you, but …”, we can start saying “I won’t hold that against you.” 

Prayer:
Father, we thank You for the constant mercy you have given us. Father, we thank you for not holding it against us, and for always giving us a clean slate. We pray that in our growing relationship with you, and as we strive to be Christ-like, that you help open our eyes and hearts to show mercy. Father, you know the pain that relationships cause. You know the hurts that we struggle to forgive, and the process it takes to achieve that, but we ask for the strength, courage, and wisdom to give mercy where you have called us to, and to remain obedient in that act. We thank you again Father for never holding it against us, and loving us in the way that only You can. In Jesus’ name, Amen.